Category: JohnK Ass News

Whatever you think of Johnny Depp, he’s all (cl)ass:

Depp first encountered waifish supermodel Kate Moss, 11 years his junior, at the East Village celeb hangout Cafe Tabac in 1994. He was so smitten, she has said, that he once presented her a diamond necklace stuffed between his butt cheeks.

https://pagesix.com/2020/07/18/johnny-depp-once-presented-kate-moss-a-necklace-in-his-butt/

And another Page Six piece elaborated:

Continued the 48-year-old catwalker, “We were going out to dinner and he said, ‘I’ve got something in my bum. Can you have a look?’ And I was like, ‘What?’”
Moss proceeded to “put [her] hand down his trousers” — and, she concluded, “I pulled out a diamond necklace. That diamond necklace.”

https://pagesix.com/2022/08/31/kate-moss-johnny-depp-gave-me-diamonds-from-the-crack-of-his-ass/

Definitely not something Richard Grieco would do.

There’s a bunch of online She-Hulk backlash from people who say they are (but are not) fans of Marvel Comics because:

1. Megan Thee Stallion was in episode 3

2. She-Hulk and Megan twerked.

Oh, please! It was delightful:

A little bit of Fat-Ass news this week…Holy Crap! South Park has been around for 25 years already.

It seems like it was just yesterday when Stan, Kyle, Kenny and their Fat-Ass friend Cartman entered our lives. But not, it was August 13, 1997. 318 episodes later, it’s still going strong.

Spin Magazine has a nice archive of articles about South Park.

Paleontologists have determined that a 540-million-year-old fossil of “a hard-shelled, spiky, bum-faced critter that looks all the world like a nightmare version of Pac-Man pitched by filmmaker Guillermo del Toro,” and has no butt is not one of our ancient ancestors.  

“We considered lots of alternative groups that Saccorhytus might be related to, including the corals, anemones, and jellyfish which also have a mouth but no anus,” says University of Bristol paleontologist Philip Donoghue, who co-led the study.

That whole ‘no bum’ thing was eventually considered a red herring.

“Weird Creature With No Butt May Not Be Our Ancient Ancestor After All” Nature 8/18/22

Whew! That was a close one!

GQ’s men’s grooming tips were inevitably going to get to the butt of the matter, and the expected article dropped last week. “Everything You Need to Know About Grooming Your Rear End” does not disappoint, presenting six tips and tricks that may be obvious for some, new for others:

• Trim It, Wax It, or Leave It Natural—But Don’t Shave It
• Powder is Your Best Assistant
• Consider Wet Wipes (Just don’t flush them)
• Embrace the Bidet
• Wear Breathable, Moisture-Wicking Fabrics
• Try a Scrub

I’m not one for wet wipes, but I strongly endorse a bidet – it’s really a game-changer.

Check out the article at GQ.com and feel free to send me any news tips about Asses to me via Twitter.

Strength Sports Website FitnessVolt.com released their long-anticipated 2022 list of the 20 Best Butts on the Internet, and it sure looks impressive!

Check out the 20 here, and feel free to send me any news tips about Asses to me via Twitter.

Big Ass Fans is a manufacturing company started in 1999 in Lexington Kentucky. They manufacture fans, coolers and heaters for Commercial, Industrial and Residential use.  I have discovered that they do not manufacture fans specifically for people with large asses (a common misconception) or even fans for idiots who are considered to be huge asses (another common misconception) – they manufacture really big fans.

From BigAssFans.com:

From BigAssFans.com:
It started with a big idea in engineering: that the combination of size and quality design could fundamentally change what ceiling fans could accomplish. That high-volume, low-speed (HVLS) airflow—an entirely new concept—was the key to making spaces more comfortable and efficient. Because the “HVLS Fan Company” thought big, it didn’t take long for people to notice the impact our products had on facilities or for them to rebrand the company the way they saw us: as upstart innovator Big Ass Fans.

Anyway, Forbes published an interesting profile of Big Ass Fans yesterday:

The founder of Big Ass Fans, Carey Smith, had done work with a company that made large, slow-moving fans designed to cool cow barns, as heat reduces the amount of milk cows produce. Smith saw an opportunity to apply the concept in warehouses, and he formed HVLS Fan Co. around his own design (the name being an abbreviation for his “high-volume, low-speed” fan). He marketed his innovation to both dairy farmers and warehouse operators, but it soon became popular for broader factory applications as well. That growing popularity is what led to the eventual company name change. “People would call in and say, ‘I want one of those big-ass fans,’” explained Jim Flickinger, the company’s SVP and CCO.

By now, some of you might be thinking, “Oh, yeah, I remember when David Letterman did a bit about Big Ass Fans.” If you are thinking this, congratulations, you are experiencing The Mandela Effect.  David Letterman’s bit that you are misremembering was for “Big Ass Ham”.

Feel free to send Ass News tips (pertaining to Buttocks, Jerks or Donkeys) to me via Twitter.

This is the first in a series spotlighting all the Ass News that’s Fit to Print.

Video footage of Senator Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) hauling ass of of Congressional chambers during the Jan. 6 insurrection came to light this week. Funny stuff. Check out this recap at Salon.com

Feel free to send Ass News tips (pertaining to Buttocks, Jerks or Donkeys) to me via Twitter.